Is it love or comfort?

by mariela torres April 04, 2017

I started writing this blog after a conversation with a friend. She's been on and off with this a guy for awhile, and thinking about giving it another shot. She's not really that happy with him but she went on to tell me that maybe her idea of a dream guy is simply that, just a dream. I'm a complete hopeless romantic so whenever I hear anyone say that their dream person or dream relationship isn't out there I try and deliver my short but persuasive spiel on waiting for that magical relationship. I get revved up about this topic because I was in a relationship for 10 years. After 5 years of being together him and I broke up then got back together (he realized I was the raddest...) We shortly after moved in together, got engaged and had two doggies. We got along great and never really had any drama, a lot of people that "knew" us thought we were the perfect couple. We were not though, not even close. What we were, were really comfortable. I knew after 5 years of being together that it wasn't going to work out but stayed in the relationship out of comfort, safety and security. If you're in a relationship ask your self this question are you really happy or just comfortable? 

Breaking up fucking sucks. It's hard to let go of that one person that once made us feel so loved and special. Hard to let go of that one person we see / talk to everyday. Hard to let go of the memories. Even harder to let go I can imagine if you have children together. We all try and avoid uncomfortable situations so we stay. But you know what's even harder, waking up everyday unhappy for the rest of your life next to the one person that you know you don't belong with. 

I want to state that my ex is good dude. We were together in our 20s and now we're in our 30s, we're different people now. We'll forever remain close friends but leaving that relationship was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I grew up. I learned independence. I learned what I do and don't want in a relationship. I unapologetically became myself. I became empowered. I started a business. I came out in blogs, magazines, podcasts, Fashion week San Diego, oh yeah and co-authored an Amazon best seller book. I don't say this to brag but I know that none of this would have happened if I stayed in that relationship. I had to get out of my comfort zone. 

Shortly after my 10 year relationship ended I felt the magic with this amazing dude from our neighbors up North. Canada, eh... We had/have a magical, un real, adoration for each other. Our timing was/is off, not sure if it'll ever work out between us but I will forever cherish him and the beautiful moments we spent together. I met him for a reason and thank the universe for bringing him into my life. That relationship set the bar really high, I will never ever, ever get into a relationship or even go on a date with someone unless I feel that it's going to lead to something special.

I always hear about girls that go on dates just for a free meal, or guys that start a relationship with a girl just because she's "hot." I actually have a friend that lives with his "hot" girlfriend although he is unhappy and says she has zero substance. He vents, "Going out with her is boring, she has nothing interesting to say, I'm just spending my days with her till someone better comes along" What a waste of time, for both him and her. We all know at least one person that goes on 3-4 dates with different people a week off dating apps like tinder and bumble. I know I'm going off in a tangent here but time is precious, man. If you are single take this time to better yourself. I promise that spending time on you is way more beneficial then swiping left or right trying to find someone. Become obsessed with yourself advancement.

Ok so back to relationships. All relationships go through their ups and downs, you have to go through the downs to grow. But deep down you know whether or not you should be in that relationship. If you are in a relationship and you are having doubts don't just brush it off. Either take the necessary steps to make it work or grow some fucking balls and move on. You have ONE life! "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn't be one of them."

mariela torres
mariela torres


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