Many people have commented on how well I am taking it, truth is she is gone and there is nothing I or anyone can do about it so I have no choice but to surrender, I have to continue living life. Before she passed my brother and I sat around the hospital in complete unease, a few minutes before she passed we both felt this calm aura surround us, we felt peace come over us. I feel lucky to have sensed this, I feel my mom and the universe love me that much that they sent me this signal full of love and tranquility. I got the sense that everything is going to be ok, and that she is ok. Again, nothing I can do to bring her back, the only thing I have control over is my reaction to it all, I choose to feel gratitude and appreciation. My mom was loved by so many people, it was evident at her viewing and funeral how much people cared, respected and loved her. I am so blessed to have had her as a mother she was the most selfless person I have ever met, she did anything and everything to help out the people she loved, always giving to others and reaching out a helping hand, that was her gift, that was her contribution to this world, a true angel on earth, now looking over us from the stars.
Everything got put into perspective after that. Life became clear. My life plan, goals and purpose have been turning into fruition. I let go of people and situations no longer serving me in a positive way. I know that I am here for something greater than me. I know that I am here to tell you not to waste your time on bullshit relationships, to tell you that life is fucking short and that your life is better than the mediocre job and existence you have been living. Here to tell you that your life mission is to figure out your gift and share it with the world. You ONLY live once and there is only one you, I repeat there is ONLY ONE YOU if that doesn’t make you want to go out and conquer the world than I don’t know what will. The universe wouldn’t have created you if it didn’t see magic inside of you. Life is not meant to be lived being with someone you aren’t in love with or behind a desk for 30 years of your life wanting to do something else. It’s insane how society has molded us to think how to live life- go to college, get a job, get married, have some kids, die… NO, NO, NO my dear, do not conform into what society tells you what to do; be a rebel and do whatever the fuck makes your heart jump for joy.
I want to end this post by saying this, I know I am not the best writer or the best grammar student but what I do have is the ability to connect with people and to relay beautiful and powerful words to hopefully inspire and make a difference in someones life. I know I can make people laugh and stir their soul up and that means so much more than the placement of a mother fucking semi colon. Just something I thought I’d throw out there for the haters. Xoxo my peeps!
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It’s been awhile since I’ve written. The last few months have been a rollercoaster ride with a lot of ups and downs, the most frightening part of the ride has been the passing of my momma. It’s something that most of us will have to go through yet don’t expect it to happen, especially at a young age. It’s the most unreal, out of body experience you will go through. It’s unsettling and bizarre. It’s heartbreaking and traumatic. Being sad and confused about what just happened is an understatement. It’s an indescribable emotion and it will undoubtedly change your life.